Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Turning Point...!

It was the cold and windy but beautiful evening at Hunan Lu, the food-street of Nanjing. We were roaming around the artificial flowers that were decorated alongside the whole street with our Chinese friends in the last week of spring festival that was wrapping off very soon for a year. We were invited by Li and Lu for the Chinese food on this beautiful evening. It was astonishing moment as the climatic environment were subtle and euphoric as the sun was already down and we could feel cool and soft wind blowing through our ears. The delicious Chinese foods were waiting for us as we marched towards one of the Chinese restaurants where hundreds of peoples were enjoying their food in the beautiful evening. As we were used to with these Chinese foods, our friends were amazed and were staring us as we were using the chopsticks comfortably. The food constitutes few new items that we had never eaten before. As girls were busy cooking food in the master pan that was embedded in the center of table with electric heater and were asking awkwardly and repetitively about food and our choice, however we were nodding happily with pleasant environment rather than eating. We were enjoying the moment in full spheres with fun and lust of excitement. As we were wrapping off our dinner and our friends were dubious about our appetite when we ate too little as compared to what they have anticipated. Nevertheless, it was wonderful hospitality and courtesy. As we were planning to leave, we experience short shower that was predicting that autumn is coming and which was obvious after cold and heart-throbbing winter. Later we enjoyed biting “caomei”- the strawberry and walked in a light frenzy shower with whirlwind that was blowing in the beautiful evening at Hunan Lu.

With the change in climate, temperature in centigrade scale increased drastically to two-digits and the days have already started to become warmer and were stretching for wee hours. The flowers and buds started to blossom, the green leaves popped out from every tree that looked dead and deserted like a cactus plant. The natural environment became greenery and verve as the students started to return and the buildings seems occupied after a long winter break. The small shops started to open at usual hours with its stereotype layout and smiling sales girls. Again, to communicate with these girls to buy something was fun and irritation as we have to use sign language or have to point specific commodity that are in the range of our eyes. Again to know the price, we have to use tiny machine-calculator that always acts as an interface every time we went for shopping inside the premises or to do some bargaining at the town. The monotonous school-siren started to buzz every half an hour. The rooms were filled up and streets along with basketball courts and football grounds were occupied with green uniforms as usual. Hearing of “Er Er Shan Si " ..,1, 2,3,4.., The military drill has started again with girls and boys marching in homogenous pattern. Life started to become colorful after a long break and was moving fast and was more stringent in order. The falling off of students in the early morning became bread of life. I feel how human makes environment perfectly social with these artificial entities. The deserted place started to look lively again and seemed that everything is coming on track again after one month of long break. Students seem to be happy and energetic as smile occupies their tiny face and were busy gossiping their holiday experiences. The environment became perfect and I am enjoying it with new hope and excitement as the new semester begins.

Surprisingly, I received two books from one of my well wisher a day ahead of my birth-day. It must have been the birthday gift I received after a long time in my life. It was apparent that I was also becoming the victim of numerical illusion as my 28th birthday passed very swiftly and cryptically. I believe this month was one of the important months in different perspectives. In diverse views, some people might say I am getting old, some (myself and oldies) are saying I am still very young, I might be saying it’s a numerical illusion again incremented finitely (you don’t know that finite value) till your physical existence. So I am 28! There were neither a cakes nor any celebration as I keep myself mum.

But again something more than this submerged in my mind that has no turning point at all and it’s less likely to be reversible reaction in chemistry. Starting with Dale Carnegie’s positive thinking, I moved to secular humanism of Dr. Paul Kurtz. Finally, I am landed to Infidel- Ayaan Hirsi Ali and I realized myself that its time for me to take a big and bold decision that was resided in my mind for a long time.

Again Traveling from Asia to Africa and finally to secular china has made me think eccentrically that this is right decision for me that I have been waiting for a long although it has invoked my mind for more than a decade. Although I have taken this decision long time back but I believe this is my birthday-present from inside me. It’s again not important to dictate these things again and again as it might hurt somebody who has a deep and a profound faith on it. But I have to confess it, I am an atheist. Finally, I took a bold decision and I have realized that Infidel and Atheism is ruling me forever more strongly more ever than before. I feel more stressed as I was reached the answers of my imagination and weird thought that has been dominating me for more than decades. As I started infidel earlier this month, a book by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, I was inside the concentric and eccentric circles of principles and philosophies of religion that I was trying to free myself out from it. I realized that I was getting closer in a single dimension of secular humanism. It was the week of enlightenment with excitement and joy for me. It was a transition, a revolution that has been sketched in my gray matter for a long time. It was like a maternal pain every woman has to suffer to have a baby as I was crying and surviving desperately to feel the changes that have been accumulated in my mind for a long time. Finally I was emancipating from the close boundaries of religion forever from the secular land of China. It was opening up new horizon but again hard in beginning to distinguish thin lines of ethics, freedom and religion. It was seeing different things in different perspective, the fading religion and stronger infidel. It was a sort of transitional phase for me, still I feel awkward to decide in crossroads as I was brought up in orthodox society where religion has been key and dominating issues for last 28 years of my life. The roads were trembling but again I had strong determination. I was getting more addicted with philosophy as I read some philosophical theories of Kant and Marx. I was looking for unique aspect of human who can produce cognitive theories that can address the aspects of materialism, communism and rationalism in a more stratified manner.

The course was focusing more on microscopic components of operating system and the professor was the most influential one with substantial experiences and knowledge in course matter. Course was the toughest one I have ever read as it was more abstract where cognitive theory rules and the professor was very skillful to address the problem with his full strength to convey the meanings of subject matter with his strong technical skills and visual aids along with superb and satirical examples. Sometimes, I feel it was more like philosophical class (that I had never taken) where there were convergence of mathematics, computer science and philosophy.

Many new students joined us and it was fun again to see the different new faces from different part of the land that I have seen in television and some I have never heard of. As these new students survive hard to acclimatize with new environment for first few weeks and were cunning hard to follow the rules, I was more curious to know about them and their country.

The life became more stressful as the book infidel and the course was exerting constant pressure on the tributaries of mind. However, the colorful night made the feeling of ecstasy and utopia accompanied by our new friends from Nepal. The meeting with Vicky, my first Chinese friend after couple of months was merely a co-incident again at the lift of Nanjing Normal University. She was happy to see me again but I saw shyness along with despair. I realize something was becoming barrier for her to continue our friendship as we used to have before. Later I realized that she has a new boyfriend. But I feel I miss something although I didn’t have serious relationship with her but she was the first Chinese girl I ever met in my life and I was keen to learn so many things about china from her. It would be difficult for me to reach her again and I thanked her from my heart. That night it was one of the most enjoyable night life I ever had in the disco as I was more rigid in my thought as well as my decisions were vivid and fresh although it was in a transition period. It was again the fun, enjoyment and art of dance with colorful light and heart-throbbing music that I had always loved in my life.

The worst part will always be the morning in the 1912 street when we spend whole night in club. In the dawn as we get out from the club, we used to shiver and were tired and hungry after waking up for more than twenty four hour. We look for twilight dumplings that were already available in the narrow street behind the 1912 street. But many of them who came out from the closed chamber never ever feel it disgusting as they still have the level of OH high in their blood. It was not amazing even to see some vomiting in dawn. As we walked with shivering in the morning of 1912 street, we see the natural face of all young Chinese girls and boys who were inside those close chambers and have enjoyed the whole night but despair and lousiness looms the dawn with tiring and exotic night. Many yellow taxis were waiting for the queue.

I met guys from Lebanon and Yemen. I was so inquisitive to know about Israel-Palestine issues that seems as it is from the time I was a kid but was looking for answers that has been not easy for many decades. No matter, he tried to give answers in his perspective but again it sounds it was lacking something from other part of the coin. Had it been so easy, I might have not remember the day I asked my father about this problem and he said that he is even seeing it from the time he was a kid. He is still searching for the answer and so do I. I remembered the BBC program where Simon Perez, deputy premier was interviewed by some of the young Arabs. The program was one of the most influential political debates I have ever seen in BBC. To analyze the problem from the mid-line was not easy and I was just happy to get answers from his side of coin. Nevertheless, it was an experience I would remember always in my life as I have known from the guy who is directly involved in the everlasting conflict.

On one evening, I was delighted when the administration informed us that they are showing us an orchestra. But later we realized that it was simply a cultural and musical program of the institute. Again, the show was very interesting and curious as we had never seen these types of performances before. The performance was all in Chinese and it was obvious and we were simply the spectator to listen Chinese tone and a melodious music that we never had acquainted even though we had spent more than half of year. As thrilling sound and colorful light starts to rotate into the podium, the beautiful girl in the military uniform with her tall and elegant body, murmured in Chinese and all of them clapped. Apparently, we clapped imitating the Chinese students who were there. We were sure that she must be a good anchor and she has a lovely voice despite of us not understanding anything she murmured. There were more than ten performances, half of them were songs and half of them were short-dramas. The show started with a woman singing (probably) a national song followed with hundreds of claps of students each time. However the music and the tone were universal and was a proof of human civilization. Then the other performance was all about the comedy drama that we never understood besides watching gestures of the different actors. The environment for two hours was univocal with constant flow of vibration of music and laughter and claps. Then I managed to ask one of the students about what the woman was saying. She was singing “Woman is a flower”. I find every modern romantic song irrespective of different language conveys almost same meaning, the abstract and enduring romantic feelings, a joy and eudemonia. We were blatantly supporting the zeal and enthusiasm of the actors along with hundreds of Chinese students. The two hours passed swiftly although we felt sometime the time should move fast as we were not catching anything no matter the musical melodies were striking our ear-drums.

The following weekend seems very busy as we roamed the Qin Jiao and Shin-Jekou with our new friends who joined us. Although the road and city seems familiar but again it was unique experience in different perspective as we went to town each time. We were more used to with public bus system as we find it more easy and fun to travel in public bus although it was too crowdy and slow. It was the tradeoff between quality and economy. But I was inquisitive to know more about this place from a wide window, traveling along the bus gave me more time to think about this country and peoples as I get acquainted with different peoples and environment. We were more frequent in McDonald and KFC and it had already become the part of our life. Eating became fun again no matter each time we get inside MCdonald and KFC; we have to struggle hard to get the place to eat. Although it seems that these multinational companies were everywhere in modern china but again the flow of traffic is beyond their capacity and it shows the leaning of the Chinese society towards the western life and their life were becoming more hectic as economy continue to grows in two digit. The tennis phobia continued as the weather became warmer and the days started to became longer. Sportsmanship predominant higher than before and the life was more stratified and hectic.

We went to the Fujiamiao, another city of Nanjing. As we were not sure where we should get off from the bus, we asked a young Chinese girl to help us to track the way to the heart of Fujimiao. She was cute but was blushed and embarrassed at the beginning as the normal Chinese girl. I was amazed when she told me that she loves physics and she is planning to study physics in her University. I have never found in my life woman who loves to study physics. The more important thing was that it was her own decision but not her parents as it happens in most of the developing and least developed countries. The city is decorated in old architecture with many doors but blended with modern styles and shops. The city is also called the light city as it is decorated with colorful light that dominates the entire spectrum. The narrow stream passes through the edges of the city where peoples were boating in the heart of the metro-city. We were also surprised to witness Rick-Shaw or the goat-carriages! The place was wonderful and there were sale everywhere as spring is on the way and beautiful sales girls were attracting every costumer by their gentle claps. The weather of the Nanjing is very weird, the temperatures goes up and down abruptly. But again, no matter how it fluctuates, the days will become warmer and warmer. The turning point for climate and my principle has already started to show delineation and was aiding me towards existentialism and secular humanism. The last day of the month was shabby with gloomy days and light shower in the morning with temperature dipping slightly and I was feeling melancholy using my fingers and brain as fast I can to give the finishing touch of these words. Finally my fingers were tired and ended up with saying adieu March!!! 2007